Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
