What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I did not marry a roomba.
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