we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
