Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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