Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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