easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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