apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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