no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
