I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
