do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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