I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just cropdusted the office
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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