I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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