upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
