tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
