mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
