So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
