at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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