That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
