I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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