Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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