It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
