my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
