Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish my penis had an off switch
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
