these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
