OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
