Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
