A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
