I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
