well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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