yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
