like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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