Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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