dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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