my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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