So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Congratulations! We have a period
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
