Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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