That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
