Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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