Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
