Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
