he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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