thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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