no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
PANTIES FOUND
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