Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
