We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
