you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize