i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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