i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
