i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
