Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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