I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
