so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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