He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
