yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i will never coherently bang her
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize