you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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