And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
