Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
