yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize