Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
