Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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