Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
