You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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