for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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