you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
