My cat gives me a boner
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
