Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We got so high we made milksteak
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
