two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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