Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
