Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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