We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
