i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Semen is not good for contacts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
