Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
