That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
