just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize