I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
